I had lunch with one of my very dear friends today. I don't often get to see her due to my busy schedule, so it was super awesome!
Part of our conversation centered on taking breaks from relationships because of spiritual impressions.
Now, I have all the respect and reverence in the world for genuine spiritual impressions. But when individuals use it as an excuse to shy away from something they don't want, I am ticked.
A few months ago I was still quite bitter towards this topic due to a certain experience I had with a certain man who had a certain close relationship to this certain friend that I had lunch with today.
I remember one night, about three weeks after we broke up, I called him. I can't even remember why I did now. But I remember one thing he said to me. "Elizabeth, one day you'll look back and be grateful for this." I responded with tears and exclaiming that I would never feel that way, that it was just a big waste.
However.
Since then I had been trying to shake off the emotional trauma and force myself to be the girl I was before I met him. This was not particularly conducive to a happy life. I considered therapy, engaging myself in a series of short-term flings until I was better, electing to remain single forever, and faking it til I made it.
Then one day I was talking to a friend in the ward. He was sharing various spiritual gems/experiences he had had during the last few years of his life when it hit me.
If Heavenly Father wanted me to be the way I was before I met that certain man, He wouldn't have introduced me to him.
Obvious, yet it took me over a year to realize that.
And now that that certain man has been married for a couple of months (and I got rid of the dress), it might be safe to say I am officially "over" it.
Unfortunately I am still working through the kinks of this new self.
For example, while I am glad I have the independence to be happy without a man, I find myself lacking the social skills to procure any such individual as long-term company.
And I use the term "social skills" as a broad umbrella for many items.
My social needs have become "picky." More than one friend has implied I am so independent as to not let men into my life, either because they can't find any way to contribute to my well-being or because I don't want them to.
My small talk skills are completely gone. Before I met that certain man, I could chat it up with any hobo Joe I met. Now I either can't think or anything to say, or I get too shy, or I simply don't care enough to bother. That makes for a lot of awkward and boring dates.
My deep conversation skills are also completely gone. I used to love talking about... you know... feelings and affective life experiences. Now I don't let anyone in, and I don't know why. Am I afraid they'll think I'm weird? Do I think I might accidentally let slip some baggage and they'll say I'm a high-maintenance drama queen? Am I suppressing an undetected emotional disorder? Have I become comfortably numb? I don't know!
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Oh well. :)
Consequently, I've decided to practice one social skill every date I go on. For the next one, I will practice expressing feelings. Real feelings. Not just... "OmG I just LoOoOvE SUMMER TIME!!!!!" It will probably be comical.
In other news, I have been really good at sticking to my budget this month. I will soon be filthy rich.
Also, A Time to Kill is a really good book and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is the best HP movie yet. I can't wait for the first Deathly Hallows next year!
5 comments:
Not to worry: everybody hates dating. If they don't, they probably don't do much of it. It's awkward and uncomfortable for everybody.
As for small talk, so boring and overrated. I quit trying a long time ago.
I agree with Lyle. Dating is hard. If someone said that "I would be grateful for something later on" or whatever he said I would slap him and I would tell him that I dictate my own emotions.
I love how Lyle won biggest flirt at school but is downplaying small talk lol!!!
That was BS.
Way to go, Elizabeth! (And many happy times your way.)
Yeah, small talk is annoying. I agree with Lyle... dating is lame. but it is a means to an end. Just have lots of good topics available. Books you have recently read, movies you've seen (or want to), good stories about work (but not any that make fun of people), and you should follow sports too... at least BYU. :-) Find out his interests... cooking, sports, art, books, movies, etc. There can be lots to talk about if you practice. As far as the expressing feelings thing, I would be careful with that one. Don't try that when you are hormonal. :-) Good luck. God knows you, and he wants you to be happy. Hard to remember, but he really does have your best interest at heart, even if you can't see it right now.
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